WARNING:  This blog is not suitable for younger audiences.  It is rated S for scary dreams, D for severe disappointment, and C for celebrity crap.  Use discretion and read at your own risk.


July 23rd, 2008, a Wednesday

I'm having a rough time.  It feels like there is something stuck in my tummy, something bad, and since I'm a bear and don't eat, it can't be indigestion.  Unless, of course, it is emotional indigestion.  It bugs me when I feel like that and can't figure out why.  I need answers!  Some are happy to say they're just having an off day.  But I want to know why I'm having an off day, what it means, and what can be done about it.  I want to feel all light and airy in my tummy, not like there's a rock full of crud in there. 

So I consulted a yoga lady.  For an assessment, an evaluation of my chi, my energy, my possibly clogged channels.  She fit the part, being tiny and almost completely non-English speaking.  Honestly, I couldn't understand hardly a word she said.  She was already confounded because of the bear thing, but once we got past that, I tried to explain my "issues" to her when she asked what was causing the stress that had landed in a ball in my tummy.  The problem was that when I tried to explain it to her, poured my little heart out, she didn't understand a word I was saying.  She nodded with this vacant look in her eyes and just wanted to get on to the next part of her sales pitch.  That's right.  The yoga lady, who wasn't that serene or nice, was a saleswoman. I kept asking if her analysis was unique to me or was true of everyone and she kept saying it was true of everyone.  That was hard to swallow considering it is unlikely she has ever evaluated a small purple bear with tummy problems.  Part of the shtick was to put her hands on my tummy and wiggle it like a bowl of jello for a while.  Pretty soon it actually started to work as I felt things loosening up and began to relax and breathe.  Then she stopped and told me I had to learn to turn off my brain and clean house.  She asked how our house would look if we didn't clean it for years.  Just like my tummy.  Dirty, dirty, dirty.  Time to clean out, she said.  I asked how and she said "we gonna take care of you".  Out came the notebook with the page protectors showing class times and all the payment options.  The preferred option was the full year it was absolutely going to take to get my tummy to feel all light and airy again.  Just over $2000.  I said I had to think about it and she said, ok, just go for the 10 class package.  I said I wasn't ready for that and she was really pissed.  She said I needed to buy today.  Not today, I said.  She closed the book and ended our happy session in disgust, which wasn't really that happy anyway.  As I told her with a smile that I would be back, I whispered under my breath, "in your dreams".  My tummy started feeling better right away.

Feeling vulnerable after this yogatic disappointment, I did the bear with a blog equivalent of binging on junk food.  I overdosed on celebrity news.  Here it is in a nutshell.  Christian Batman Bale says he did not assault his mother and sister.  Nicole and Keith's baby is not for sale!  Madonna's pooped out and does not feel she is getting enough support from those around her (what's Kabbalah if it does not kick in during the tough times?).  Matthew McC and his woman listened to Brazilian music during labor and "got tribal on it", as he sat "right between her legs" (I so did not want to know that).  Sherri Shepherd of The View used to be in a physically abusive relationship, sleeping with a lot of guys, and had more abortions than she would like to count.  Amy "they tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no" Winehouse says that when her hubby gets out of prison they want to have at least 5 kids, including a set of twins, because he would be such an amazing dad.  Brooke Hogan, offspring of cool dad Hulk Hogan, is "not that into voting" but if she were, would not vote for a woman because they "deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff.  Like I'm so moody all the time, I know I could not be able to run a country cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, you know?".  She did not know what all the fuss was about when her dad was photographed rubbing suntan lotion on her bottom, saying it was like touching an old car for him.  He used to change her diaper, she said.  Her mom, Bollea, is dating one of her 19 year old friends and Brooke just is not ok with that. 

As is often the case, and Amy Winehouse knows this all too well, when you indulge in your addictions because you feel bad, things only get worse.  Celebrity gossip made the rock in my tummy feel bigger than ever.  I woke up around 4 am feeling miserable and strange.  My head felt like it was going to explode, full of tension, and all my usual methods of settling down were not working.  I tried praying to God, meditating into total mindfulness to be closer to God, and spiritual levitation.  But nothing worked.  It felt like the presence of badness that you could do nothing about but could not give in to.  I finally fell asleep and had a dream you wouldn't believe and couldn't imagine.  A baby in my arms that wasn't really mine so I put it down and it turned into a rodent.  Aliens in the front yard with lots of police trying to nab them before they came to get me.  My mother, Babia the Solar Queen, wandering around.  And me pulling this sticky white stuff up out of my tummy in the bathroom sink.  When I woke up, I was upset and crying a little bit.  The Dutchman said, "Gina, what's wrong...bad dream?".  I said yes and told him about it.  What does it mean, I wailed?  Why did I dream all that terrible stuff?  He said it didn't have to mean anything.  It was a bad dream, a way of working things out.  He then let me know without saying a word that we shouldn't hang on to that dream, even though it was likely to stay with me for a while.  No, we just got up and went through the morning stuff we do, not giving that damned dream any more power. 

The dream has stayed with me but my tummy is feeling a lot better.  These things happen to all of us.  And it's up to you whether you want to figure out what it all means.  It helps to have someone make sure you don't get stuck there.  Whatever you do, don't get stuck there.  It's not good for you.

GR